Opening on April 1st 2024, it will be the biggest theme park in Scotland, and because it is based in North East Scotland, will be heavily influenced by Doric culture.
Current plans for the £3.5 billion entertainment resort will encompass 2 theme parks, resort hotels, shopping, dining and an entertainment complex in an area in Lower Deeside in Aberdeenshire. Plans include enhanced transport links between the city via a hovercraft service and the entire site will be carbon neutral. It is hoped it will boost tourism in the North East of Scotland.
Following the securement of land at The Den At The Glen near Maryculter, the resort will be expand on the existing family fairytale experience that is already there, and retain the iconic, much-loved misshapen characters that currently pepper the site. Take a closer look at the site location and a map of the theme park.
Popular cartoon characters will be given a Doric twist. They include Mickey and Minnie Moose, Donald Dyeuk, Pluto the Dug and Gawkie will replace Goofy. The characters will be clad in Scottish clan tartans and instructed to speak the local dialect, Doric. Mickey’s usual catchphrase, ‘Aw gosh!’ will be replaced with, ‘Aw goshie!’ and instead of "Hot Dog!" you will hear, "Het Dug!" the equivalent in North East Scots.
The park will have a new access road built from the AWPR. There is a proposed hovercraft transfer ‘Park and Glide’ service on the River Dee, to improve the infrastructure for tourists arriving by cruise ship. There are discussions to reinstate the Deeside Railway Line from the Duthie Park to Ballater, or have an electric land train run along the South Deeside Road.
The ambitious plans include a Scottish themed high-octane ‘Brave’ rollercoaster ride and a Nessie splash water park. There will be a Smuggler Cove, and a Standing Stone Labyrinth to crack. You can try your hand at bog-snorkling in the Kelpie area or seek out Selkies in the underwater aquarium. A huge 'eightsome reel' ferris wheel will be visible from the AWPR.
Visitors can enjoy ground-breaking immersive experiences that recreate famous scenes from Scottish films, using VR technology. They include The Worst Toilet in Scotland scene from Trainspotting, complete with sounds and smells guaranteed to turn the steeliest of stomachs. The battle scene from Braveheart will be perfumed with sweat and testosterone collected from the oxters of local Aberdonians.
Breaking with tradition, alcohol will be allowed to be served as part of the Scottish whisky tasting experience, that can be enjoyed by those over 18. The whisky will be supplied from a range of Aberdeenshire and Speyside distilleries, with various malts on offer. Local beers from craft breweries and experimental gins brands can also be sampled. Slàinte mhath!
Aberdonian delicacies such as Butteries (or rowies) will be on sale in stalls dotted around the park, alongside Mackie’s Ice-creams and Irn-Bru slushy stations. Fish suppers, Cullen skink and deep-fried Mars Bars will be on the menu as well as Tunnocks teacakes and bars of tablet, to allow international crowds to sample the culinary delights of the North East. Gift shops will stock the iconic Mickey Mouse ears, to be known locally as Mickey's Lugs.
Resort towers and a pink fairy-tale castle to rival Craigievar Castle will be built entirely of Peterhead granite. The leading architectural firm behind the Edinburgh’s new W Hotel (aka The Golden Turd) have been drafting their first designs and their early 3D renderings look very promising. They have taken inspiration from the the topography of the region. The majestic sweeping spaces, dramatic cliff tops and golden beaches around the North East coastline.
The park will be carbon neutral and solar powered with on site ground-mounted solar array system that will be powering 80% of the park on a daily basis. The roller coasters will be people-powered (you have to pedal up the hill yourself) and any merchandise sold on site will come from sustainable sources and made from recycled fish supper trays and Irn-Bru cans.
The tourist attraction will boost tourism revenues, create jobs and promote the North East of Scotland's unique culture. The resort will create 6,000 jobs for the region, and casting centres have been set up to recruit part-time and seasonal workers from the North East who are socially outgoing, look good in tartan and are fluent in both Doric and English.
Advertising campaigns are already underway to attract tourists to the world-class resort, and to recruit staff to sell the enchanted experience. The recruitment campaign asks, 'Could you be the next Mickey Moose, Donald Dyeuk or Gawkie? The international tourist campaign is titled, ‘Div ye Believe?’ and the creative agency behind the campaign hope the Doric headline will cause intrigue and spark curiosity.
A consultation is underway to gather opinions and feedback on the proposed Doric theme park from the local community.
If you would like to express an interest in attending the recruitment casting sessions to find out vacancies available, please enquire at email@example.com
If you would like to raise concerns or objections to the proposed theme park plans, please contact: firstname.lastname@example.org
This campaign is a humorous prank to raise awareness of Doric and in a vein attempt to punt some Doric books and gifts. It is a complete fabrication and was created with maximum silliness in mind. We hope it made you smile. We hope Disney can take a joke and can appreciate the Scottish sense of humour. HappyGowkDay!